Have you ever wondered how authors do it? How they take all those incredible words and turn them into a beautiful story? Well, here's your chance to find out how. Just send me three thousand dollars... *looks around at the audience's blank expressions* *clears throat* anyways, here's how you do it.
Take out a sheet of paper and pencil. Write a few sentences on it. (does not matter what) Now, put your pencil down and clasp your hands together in your lap. Now, close your eyes and offer up your immortal soul to Satan, along with your first born child to a pack of blood thirsty wolves... Now, open your eyes. You should now see a novel sitting on your lap.
Congratulations, you are now a writer. And when someone asks you how you did it, you tell them the truth: years of hard work and dedication made it all possible ;D. But don't forget to give credit where credit is due... Satan.